From the recording I Get Offended
Lyrics
I need a warning label on my rock and roll
Need a fuzzy cozy cushion on my toilet blow
I need constant approval wherever I am
I need to call my mama when I get into a jam
I need feng shui for my soul
I need dreamcatchers and meditation bowls
I need my head shrunk and some panic pills
I read a self help book before I pay my power bill
I get offended it rubs me wrong
I’m ultra sensitive that’s why I wrote this song
It may be pensive and morose in a way
But whining and complaining’s how I make it through my day
I’m sportin’ training wheels on my mountain bike
Got a dental dam between me and my wife
I’m drinkin’ white claw no ice in a sippy cup
I got to drive everywhere cos I’m allergic to nuts
I got the child proof setting on my cable TV
Ain’t no kids around it’s just mother and me
I got a bunting board and a gallon of soap
I guess that oughta do it otherwise I’m losing hope
I get offended I don’t get the humor as intended
My neuroses must be defended beyond rebuke
Now everybody’s jivin’ to the outrage juke
I get offended I live to complain
I recommend it there’s always someone to blame
She condescended while serving drinks on the plane
And now my destination is the outrage train
All aboard!
Once I got so vexed that my exasperation peaked angrily
And distressed my resentment to such a pained degree
That it insulted my wounded affront
I called the manager!
Come on come on let’s get offended
Come on come on
I get offended I don’t get the humor as intended
My neuroses must be defended beyond rebuke
Now everybody’s jivin’ to the outrage juke
I need a warning label on my rock and roll
Need a fuzzy cozy cushion on my toilet blow
I need constant approval wherever I am
I need to call my mama when I get into a jam
I need a whitewashed version of history
I need to ban all the books that don’t agree with me
I need to force the girls to respect the Lord
I need to loudly disapprove of anything that’s untowards
I get offended it rubs me wrong
I’m ultra sensitive that’s why I wrote this song
It may be pensive and morose to some
But whining and complaining’s how I have my fun
I get offended I don’t get the humor as intended
My neuroses must be defended beyond rebuke
Now everybody’s jivin’ to the outrage juke
Get mad
Come on come on let’s get offended
Come on come on let’s get offended